Winterfest '08

Had the opportunity to help chaperone the teens from the Belpre Church of Christ this past weekend to an event known as Winterfest. If you have never had the pleasure of attending this event, I would highly recommend that you go. I mean, besides the fact that it is held in Gatlinburg, one of the most beautiful places on earth, it is also a great place to meet old friends, make new ones, and learn a thing or two. Though I could probably sit here and critique the worship time with Jerome Williams for about 3 hours.... I mean really, could we sing songs that we haven't been singing for the last 12 years?..... there are some really good things that happen there. It's still definitely got that "Church of Christ" undertone to it. You know, with the "come forward while we stand and sing" and "we don't want to guilt you into trying to share Jesus, but take this special red Bible with you to school so people will see it" kinda stuff. Not that I'm against sharing Jesus, but I just don't feel like it HAS to be done that way. I feel like it has so much more to do with your lifestyle. If you live like Jesus, then people will notice that and want to know what's different about you. Unless, of course, you think that to be Jesus means to be telling everyone why they're bad (or choosing who is "good enough" for God's grace) or how great you are. Because that's not so much being Jesus. So, other than those things which you kinda have to put up with right now with the church being where it is on its path, the whole event is very good. Jeff Walling speaks every year, and sometime you feel like saying "EVERY year," but he has some good points. Sure, he is cheesy... and I think that gets increased about 100x when he is in front of a bunch of teens. So that can be distracting, but his points are usually very good. I perhaps thought that it was better than others simply because I felt like the message of the weekend was something that I probably needed to hear myself. Broken into four different sections of 1. Know Jesus, 2. Be Jesus, 3. See Jesus, and 4. Share Jesus. The latter of course being that thing I was talking about before with them telling you how you specifically how you need to share Jesus with others. And I guess I just don't feel like there's only one approach.

The first session with "Know Jesus" was especially good for me because as of late, I have become more and more aware that I don't really KNOW Him. You know what I mean? I've read the Bible just a couple times in my life (haha), but I seem to just be stuck at this point where I know and do believe what it says. Belief is not a problem for me. In fact, when we came back from Winterfest, I got to watch "Everything is Spiritual" with Rob Bell. I really liked that video because his lesson was greatly theology, science, and history based.... three things I absolutely love to learn about. If you haven't seen that, you stop what you're doing right now and go buy it and watch it. I said stop and watch! Basically, I bring that up to say that the things in that video only help to further show that there is no way that things in this universe just happened in a poof. I don't care how many years you wait after... all this isn't going to happen on its own. Anyway, all that to say that belief in and of itself has never really been an issue for me. Belief in Jesus... never a problem. Really connecting to who He is and what He did... more of a problem. Do I believe He did the things He did? Completely. No doubt in my mind. But I have always read it more as a history book than anything else... maybe because I love history so much. Not really sure. What I do know is that I don't see in me what I see in so many other people. Not that our walk is about mimicking or comparing ourselves to others, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with recognizing something in others that you are striving for. But it seems like so many people have a deep, heart-felt relationship with God. I mean they really seem to have a sense of God and a longing to know Him.... REALLY know Him. And it's not that I don't have that same desire... but it just seems like 1. I don't know how to go about achieving that, and 2. Sometimes, a lot of times, I feel like I lack the capacity. It's been a struggle of mine for quite a while. Just the difference between knowing and understanding (really getting it). For instance, I always knew my parents loved me. Never been a doubt. But there are times where something happens which make me really understand how much they love me, and I can really take it in. And I'm sure people would say "Well Jesus coming and dying for you is a pretty good example of how much God loves you." Yes it is, and I know that. I would have to be stupid to not know that. But again, maybe it's because I've heard it so much or maybe because people seem to want to shove it down your throat a lot... I don't really know. But the point is, I have felt like there's something missing for a while and I don't really have a clue as to how to find it. People usually say "read the Bible and pray." And it's not that I don't agree that we should because I know that I personally feel much different when I have been in the habit of praying and reading. However, I have to go say that I tend to read all books the same way.... for information. And like I said before, the Bible being so rich in history, I read it like a history book. Guess I just have a hard time really internalizing the words and understanding how they directly affect me. Like in the video from Rob Bell, he talks about how we are the only things created that are not only physical being, but are also spiritual beings. And perhaps the reason why we only perceive things in the physical plane is because it's all we're open to. And I think that maybe some people have either opened themselves up to that perception, or are helped to become open to it. Either way, I think that some people have an awareness of God and His Spirit in a way that I have no idea about. So anyway, I guess the whole point of this is just to say that I was reminded this weekend even more that I want to know... really know... God. The question that I still wrestle with is exactly how to do that. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out at all. Sure, this is probably more of a journal as people probably don't read this anymore since I haven't really written anything in a long, long time. But hey, it's good for me to get it written out.