Simple Thought...

I think it's time that "The Church" got out of a building....

An Elderly Dump Day

Ok, so I meant for the title to be humorous... though I can see how some people may not appreciate it. In any event, I thought since I usually say that the reason why I never blog anymore is because I mostly did it while I was in Honduras, and since I don't live in Honduras... I don't really blog. However, as I am in Honduras now, I thought I probably oughta at least blog ONCE during the couple weeks that I'm here. So here I go.... (I make no promises)...

Today, our two main goals were to visit some elderly people who are being cared for by a very nice guy, named Francisco, near El Centro (who also feeds drug and alcohol abusers every day for lunch). He picks them up off the street and does his best to help them get healthy again.... and we also went to hand out food at the city dump.

I would not say that visiting with the elderly is something that I exactly do all that great. Well, to be honest, visiting with people (young or old) I don't know isn't something that I do well at all. But, I do try to get around people who are a little more gifted at that than I am... and kinda add to whatever they're saying or doing with the person. So today, I was with my mom at first with a woman named Maria. She is 92 and has a whole lot of white hair. She is a big fan of telling stories and randomly singing. All of which, you can barely understand. And I don't just mean because I'm not exactly fluent in Spanish. Gina could hardly understand her at times. But Maria is still good natured and in good spirits. There were a couple other ladies, however, who were NOT nice... not to other people, and DEFINITELY not to each other. Goodness, one woman has a habit of tripping passers by and also rearing back to hit people if they get close. But the thing that was most impactful for me today (including the dump even) was when mom was visiting with a 90 year old man named Luis. He had apparently lived quite the life (according to what he said)... knowing 5 languages, living in NY, working in the CIA, meeting with the mafia to buy guns, and then living in FL for several years before being dejected, living in the streets of Honduras. He was now barely able to walk and had huge sores on his legs; potentially from his diabetes. He was talking to mom and she asked him how he felt about God. He was not so sure that God could love him because of some of the events in which is was present for. This included plane rides in which he translated for a messenger. Apparently if the messenger delivered a message that the man Luis was translating for didn't like, the man would have the man thrown form the plane without a parachute. Luis felt guilt for being witness to events like that in his past, and he seemed to be carrying quite the weight on him because of it. As he sat there and explained that, mom just assured and re-assured him that God loved him very much and was looking forward to welcoming him into heaven. And she also said that she wanted to see him there as well. Luis was a little hesitant at first to accept that God really did love him, because of those things. But as we were suppose to be leaving (and mom, Jen, Gina, Ashley, and I were the last people in the room... all with Luis), mom said that she prayed this morning that God would lead her to someone who was needing to hear God's love... and that God had led her to him. She then told Luis that we had to get going, but that she really enjoyed speaking with him today. And his response was simply "I'll see you in heaven". I tapped out at that point... got up and waited at the door. Talk about bringing hope to someone who felt as though there was little. Moments like that make me proud to be my mother's son.... though I think they make other people question the validity that I am, in fact, her biological son.

The Dump was the second stop of the day. It was a much calmer experience than the last time I was there in June with the GC group. Some handed out sandwiches, apples, and bags of water to everyone that came up to the truck (which is always many). And while that was going on, others of us went to help a girl Jen has been getting to know pick out some plastic bottles out of the "fresh" waste that was being deposited by the dump trucks. It's crazy to see people literally getting in line to rummage through the trash.... fighting with vultures, dogs, and cows (I know, weird) for garbage. There's no real way to accurately describe what goes on there. I mean, I suppose you could say what you saw and maybe kind of tell about how it made you feel. But unless you really see it... get up close with the people there, smell the mounds of trash, and experience just a portion of what encompasses their entire lives, I don't think that any amount of words could do it justice. This is quite ironic since going there seems to being about feelings of injustice. You just ask yourself "HOW could this possibly happen?! How could people get so bad that they are living and looking through thrash, fighting with animals to get things that we discard? How can THAT be someone's life?" Some people ask "Why would a loving God allow this to happen?" And as several people have now come to realize is that it's not God's fault they're there. God didn't turn away from those in need until they were forced to dig through crap (literally) to try to gather things that they could sell and eat. God didn't abandon a child and leave him or her to fend for themselves. Indifference and selfishness did. A focus on what we want and what we "need" created this society, and many others similar to it. So often the people that create the opportuity for this injustice are the very ones that later say "Why did God let this happen?" Really? God must have used His all powerful Word to restrain them from sharing what they've been blessed with. The reality is, it isn't that God allows those things to happen, WE allow those kinds of things to happen. WE are the body of Christ. WE are His hands and feet. WE are called to show and be Jesus to a sick and dying world. WE ought to be earning our undeserved titles as sons and daughters of the Most High God. Jesus said that the world will know that we are from Him by our love. Love isn't just something we say to show affection and make someone feel all warm and cozy on the inside. As DC Talk so eloquently stated... Love is a verb. And as the very over-sung song says (as well as the Bible), God is love. And if we are showing love through our actions, then are we not at the same time showing the character of God through them? So then if we think or say that God shouldn't let things like this happen, then why are we not, in fact, acting as we think God should? Because we think that God should just make everything perfect and happy and nice for everyone? Jesus didn't come and make everything perfect, did he? The literal Son of God did not heal every sick person. He didn't feed every starving child. But He gave us a new way to live. A new way to interact and impact those living in the world around us. Selfless. Hopeful. Loving. Full of Grace and Truth. How can we, living in this new way... REALLY walking in the steps of Jesus, allow such things to happen?


*DISCLAIMER*
I am pretty tired at this point and have been at this for a little while. So if parts, or all, of this blog seem redundant, or you just think I'm crazy, then that may explain some of it. Though let's just be honest, I'm pretty stupid just about all the time.

Holy cra..... church(?) it's been a while...

So who hasn't blogged in over a year? This guy. I'm not really sure what I could possibly blog about at this particular time. I could've given my synopsis of this year's Winterfest, but after the laugh-fest that Jared and I had during the Sunday talk. If Walling would just talk to the teens, sponsors, and ministers like they were actually adults instead of children, it would really go a lot better. Maybe someday he'll come to his senses and deliver a message that doesn't sound like he's talking to a group of kindergarteners. That's my critique of Winterfest '09.

And then my only other option for discussion is my current frustration/interest in church worship. But since Jake has already decided to talk about it, I guess there's really no need, right? Wrong. Because I really don't have anything else in my head that I have any interest in talking about.

So what has been rattling around in my little head recently has been a bit of frustration with the worship experience being presented at the church I normally attend... could be why I may have not been there the past few weeks. I just feel like when people are worshiping and giving honor to the God who made the entire universe... the God who repeatedly gave breaks to a race who made and broke promises (covenants) with Him over and over, and then freely gave of Himself by offering His Son.... perfect Son.... to be the curse/scapegoat/sacrifice for all the sins that humanity had piled upon itself.... people praising THIS God... should probably look as though they actually cared about all those things. I'm not saying that when people worship God, it should always be happy.... because sometimes it's a much more solemn time for self examination or simply feeling the Spirit move. But every time I look around a room full of people singing about the joy of the Lord being their strength and it looks like the part in Sister Act II when the choir starts singing "Oh Happy Day" with blank faces, I've got to ask myself, is this REALLY what worship is? I mean, when these people were writing these songs about joy, freedom, or one of my favorite old songs "It is Well With My Soul," I would think they were full of a sense of... oh I don't know... happiness, thankfulness, peace, joy... maybe even remorse, humility, or a realization of just how much we've been blessed with regardless of how much we don't deserve it (I'm sure there's a nice, big word for that). And I'm not saying that everyone has to be totally engrossed in every moment of every service or anything like that. Because Lord knows I have plenty of times when my mind drifts. But as of late, it's been difficult to drift IN to the service. And a certain level of it is a personal thing, I'm sure. However, as I glance around the auditorium and see the VAST majority of attendees staring blankly at the screen in the front and saying the words to the songs, I don't exactly get that sense that what we're saying is what we're doing/conveying/believing. I mean, to the objective viewer, are we REALLY looking like a people that are standing in awe of God, inviting Him to reign in us, and proclaiming how Holy the name of Jesus is? Not that it's a show for other people in the slightest, but if you went to a concert where most of the crowd just kinda sat, or sometimes stood (as those are the only two acceptable positions), and maybe mouthed the words to some of the songs, would your impression of that crowd be "Wow, those people really love this band!"? I'm highly doubting it. You'd probably be asking yourself "Why are these people even here?" right? Or maybe you'd wonder if those people even cared about the band at all. So does it seem like church should be a place where the people respond so much more expressively? Singing the songs that help them identify with the One the song is written about, and also the one who wrote it. Showing appreciation to the One who has given and shown (and continues to give and show) us more exciting things than any act that could ever perform on a stage. Shouldn't our actions be an outflowing of the things that we have in our hearts and souls? I mean, when I read how people worshiped during the time in which the Bible was written, I don't exactly see a lot of ho-hum people. I read about people falling down (prostrate) on the ground before the Lord, and others dancing with all their might (even undressing in David's case) in His presence. And then when I come into a place where I sometimes feel as though a comedy could be made about what it would look like for zombies to go to church, I'm just left thinking if THIS is what we're really at church to do. And more and more, I'm not so much convinced.

I have more to say on this matter, but it's 2:15 AM and I'm pretty darn tired. If there are any grammatical errors, or really anything that you read and are like "why on earth did he say that?", then you now know why. My brain may have pooped out. But I do want to point out that the purpose of my rant is not solely to make a massive complaint. There's a lot of things I have to say, but the hamster can only run on the wheel for so long before it needs a break. But I just want to say that I believe that worship can be done well, great environments created, sincere hearts calling out to God, and true connections made between worshipers and the Father. I just think that maybe we should consider going about it in another way than they did back in 1950.

Winterfest '08

Had the opportunity to help chaperone the teens from the Belpre Church of Christ this past weekend to an event known as Winterfest. If you have never had the pleasure of attending this event, I would highly recommend that you go. I mean, besides the fact that it is held in Gatlinburg, one of the most beautiful places on earth, it is also a great place to meet old friends, make new ones, and learn a thing or two. Though I could probably sit here and critique the worship time with Jerome Williams for about 3 hours.... I mean really, could we sing songs that we haven't been singing for the last 12 years?..... there are some really good things that happen there. It's still definitely got that "Church of Christ" undertone to it. You know, with the "come forward while we stand and sing" and "we don't want to guilt you into trying to share Jesus, but take this special red Bible with you to school so people will see it" kinda stuff. Not that I'm against sharing Jesus, but I just don't feel like it HAS to be done that way. I feel like it has so much more to do with your lifestyle. If you live like Jesus, then people will notice that and want to know what's different about you. Unless, of course, you think that to be Jesus means to be telling everyone why they're bad (or choosing who is "good enough" for God's grace) or how great you are. Because that's not so much being Jesus. So, other than those things which you kinda have to put up with right now with the church being where it is on its path, the whole event is very good. Jeff Walling speaks every year, and sometime you feel like saying "EVERY year," but he has some good points. Sure, he is cheesy... and I think that gets increased about 100x when he is in front of a bunch of teens. So that can be distracting, but his points are usually very good. I perhaps thought that it was better than others simply because I felt like the message of the weekend was something that I probably needed to hear myself. Broken into four different sections of 1. Know Jesus, 2. Be Jesus, 3. See Jesus, and 4. Share Jesus. The latter of course being that thing I was talking about before with them telling you how you specifically how you need to share Jesus with others. And I guess I just don't feel like there's only one approach.

The first session with "Know Jesus" was especially good for me because as of late, I have become more and more aware that I don't really KNOW Him. You know what I mean? I've read the Bible just a couple times in my life (haha), but I seem to just be stuck at this point where I know and do believe what it says. Belief is not a problem for me. In fact, when we came back from Winterfest, I got to watch "Everything is Spiritual" with Rob Bell. I really liked that video because his lesson was greatly theology, science, and history based.... three things I absolutely love to learn about. If you haven't seen that, you stop what you're doing right now and go buy it and watch it. I said stop and watch! Basically, I bring that up to say that the things in that video only help to further show that there is no way that things in this universe just happened in a poof. I don't care how many years you wait after... all this isn't going to happen on its own. Anyway, all that to say that belief in and of itself has never really been an issue for me. Belief in Jesus... never a problem. Really connecting to who He is and what He did... more of a problem. Do I believe He did the things He did? Completely. No doubt in my mind. But I have always read it more as a history book than anything else... maybe because I love history so much. Not really sure. What I do know is that I don't see in me what I see in so many other people. Not that our walk is about mimicking or comparing ourselves to others, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with recognizing something in others that you are striving for. But it seems like so many people have a deep, heart-felt relationship with God. I mean they really seem to have a sense of God and a longing to know Him.... REALLY know Him. And it's not that I don't have that same desire... but it just seems like 1. I don't know how to go about achieving that, and 2. Sometimes, a lot of times, I feel like I lack the capacity. It's been a struggle of mine for quite a while. Just the difference between knowing and understanding (really getting it). For instance, I always knew my parents loved me. Never been a doubt. But there are times where something happens which make me really understand how much they love me, and I can really take it in. And I'm sure people would say "Well Jesus coming and dying for you is a pretty good example of how much God loves you." Yes it is, and I know that. I would have to be stupid to not know that. But again, maybe it's because I've heard it so much or maybe because people seem to want to shove it down your throat a lot... I don't really know. But the point is, I have felt like there's something missing for a while and I don't really have a clue as to how to find it. People usually say "read the Bible and pray." And it's not that I don't agree that we should because I know that I personally feel much different when I have been in the habit of praying and reading. However, I have to go say that I tend to read all books the same way.... for information. And like I said before, the Bible being so rich in history, I read it like a history book. Guess I just have a hard time really internalizing the words and understanding how they directly affect me. Like in the video from Rob Bell, he talks about how we are the only things created that are not only physical being, but are also spiritual beings. And perhaps the reason why we only perceive things in the physical plane is because it's all we're open to. And I think that maybe some people have either opened themselves up to that perception, or are helped to become open to it. Either way, I think that some people have an awareness of God and His Spirit in a way that I have no idea about. So anyway, I guess the whole point of this is just to say that I was reminded this weekend even more that I want to know... really know... God. The question that I still wrestle with is exactly how to do that. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out at all. Sure, this is probably more of a journal as people probably don't read this anymore since I haven't really written anything in a long, long time. But hey, it's good for me to get it written out.

Patience Is A Virtue

Ok, so I know that I implied that I would write more, and I will. I have just been working on this small tax return mishap for the better part of today and last night, and my mind just doesn't want to perform any complicated functions at the moment. Thus... give me a day or two... which we all know means like a month. Just kidding, I need to write while stuff is fresh in this little mind.

Not Long Enough

So I felt like I should write something since I just went down to Honduras and everything, but I don't think that I have much more to write about than what Jen already has. However, I could give a brief sum up I suppose. First of all, I have to say that I have found it ironic that a spiritual trip like the one we were on usually helps to make you appreciate what you have and find contentment could make me feel so discontent about coming back to work and being here. Interesting. So I'll break this up into sections so it's not so overwhelmingly enormous. And so I don't have to type for 4 hours straight.

So we get there the first day and we are greeted by some faces that I have been missing for a while now. Jen and Karen had brought the boys, (minus Antonio but plus Fernando, whom I hadn't met) Saul, Eduardo, and Carlos to the airport to greet us. That was a very welcome feeling to hear "Papi!" screamed across the terminal and see Francisco running up to me along with Marvin, Mario, and Fernando. I then soon realized just how darn hot it was there once I was holding Francisco in one arm, my carry-on on one shoulder, and a laptop on my other shoulder. But hey... totally worth the instant sweat. So then we got to take them back to the mission house with us for the night. The first night is always our "pack the food bags" night, and it went just about as smoothly as it normally does. Of course there were way more bags of rice and beans than of anything else, but we made it work. So after a fun night of travel and food bags, it was time for bed. Thankfully, Karen had taken care of getting Francisco ready for bed by showering him up and brushing his teeth... something he doesn't so much enjoy for some reason. So anyway, that all gets done and we are down for the night. Since Francisco is only 3, it's a good idea to wake him up and let him use the bathroom sometime during the night. Well, this guy gets up at 4 and wakes him up and asks him if he needs to use the bathroom. He said no... so I went back to sleep. Hey, I was tired. Well sure enough, about an hour later, I woke up and the back of my shirt is drenched. At first I think to myself "Maybe I just sweat a lot for some reason." I was not so lucky for that to be the truth. Nono, I put my hand on the mattress, and sure enough... it's soaked. AWESOME! So basically I take that shirt off and sleep around the perimeter of what I will call "the wet zone" for the remainder of the night.... also known as an hour and a half til I needed to get up.

So day 2 found us building our first two houses of the trip. Yeah, we like to start off with a bang. Anyway, my team had the site where we got to tear down the old house before building the new one. I'm not going to lie, from what I've torn down before, this one was.... spacious? However, the fact that there were many, MANY softball sized holes and larger throughout a lot of the structure was not such a plus. And do you remember the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom movie? Ok, the part where they are going through that secret passageway and there are ALL those bugs that climb all over the woman and freak her out. Yeah, that was about what was living around and inside the area of this house. I didn't even know roaches got that big. So, as we began to tear the old house apart and at the same time play exterminator, I thought it would be a good idea to apply sunscreen to my arms and shoulders since they ALWAYS seem to burn when I'm in Honduras. I'm so smart, right? Wrong. If you said yes, and I imagine abuot 99% didn't, then you didn't think of my neck or face. Oh yes.... the hat I was wearing may have covered the top of my head and forehead, but not the back of my neck and my face beneath my nose. So since I'm always on the roof, I had some really good face time with the tin and the sun.... and it was very apparent when we got back to the mission house and I saw myself in the mirror. Basically, the area from the neckline of my shirt to the area that my hat covered was RED. Carlos even thought it would be fun to call me "Tomate" because of it. The best part being the fact that I had a permanent halo around my head. I mean, I'd like to think that I should have one around my head all the time, but it would seem that the only one that I could manage was this one.

Is A Month THAT Long?

So it's not so much that I forgot about writing on here as much as it is that I haven't exactly made time to do so. But, when I thought about it, I have about 7 hours a day to kill at work. So I figured why do I just do it at work? Let's just hope I don't get fired, eh? haha.

You may be wondering what has been going on since I got back from Honduras since I basically haven't written a word since then. Well, it could be summed up as not much, but let us delve deeper into what I like to call... "The Life and Times of Jeff." After a not-so-graceful exit from the land of Honduras (thankfully there was no video recording), I came back to the metropolis of Parkersburg in search of some kind of income. And after weeks of searching and searching for a lucrative source of income, I wound up in customer service at Coldwater Creek. In case you aren't aware, they are a women's clothing manufacturer. Oh yes, that's right.... I was on the phone all day with women helping them order clothes. And more than that, I even (on special occasions) had the joy of helping them choose outfits! You can go ahead and imagine that in your mind.... and chuckle. But, thankfully, I met a young lady during training whose mother is the manager of a local bank chain, and they happened to be looking for a CSR (Customer Service Rep... but it's basically a glorified name for a teller). In any event, this fortuitous friendship ended up with me getting out of helping older women match outfits and into a bank for work. Now, I would be lying if I said that this was my dream job or even a good paying one (especially in comparison to my last job). However, I do have a good time at work, enjoy the people I work with, and am gaining experience toward better work. Now you may be asking yourself "Well Jeff, didn't you go to college?" Yeah, I realize that being in debt $70,000 to gain a degree that you aren't even using seems a bit... well... stupid. What can I say? Hindsight is really 20/20, huh? Oh well, the best I can do now is just try to make the most with what I've got to work with.

Now when I moved back to the thriving hub of social society that Parkersburg is, I had to... I mean had the pleasure of... moving back into my parents' house. Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like a loser if they've graduated from college and still living with mom and dad? No one else had to do that, huh? You all got jobs right out of school did ya? Well.... GOOD FOR YOU! haha. Anyway, it was kind of necessary anyway since I was so dirt poor. But, at the beginning of this fine new year, I moved in with my church's youth minister who has also been a friend of mine for quite a while, and is interestingly enough my old roommate's cousin. Everyone follow that? Good. It's amazing how the cleanliness gene must run in families or something.... though it would seem to have skipped around in mine a little. In any event, we do what we can to have a good time... you know, American Idol get togethers at the apartment on Tuesday and Wednesday nights... and also an easy place for our "posse" to stop at since we're so close to the mall and all. And for those of you who don't know, the mall is basically the only one within a 50 mile radius. So for a lot of people, it is seriously the "hot spot" to go. How sad. Anyway, I have found what could be the coolest thing on earth... Movie On Demand. It's a FANTASTIC idea. You get to choose from a list of movies and watch them anytime you want... like you have the DVD. Crazy. Phantom of the Opera was definitely watched the other day... I mean, uhhh.... some manly movie with guns and death... yeah. But needless to say, we have good times there, and other people do as well.

That about wraps up my life as a whole up to this point since I got back. Other than that, I just sent out some good old support letters for BOTH trips I get to take to Honduras this year. One in April, as always with the Belpre team, and this year I'm helping another local church (Grand Central Church of Christ) out on their trip by teaching them how to build houses. And I know, the family's really going to be sorry when I'm in charge of building their house, right. Nice... real classy anyone who thought that. haha. Alright, this is long enough for a comeback tour. Maybe next time I'll discuss the fun times of navigating up the hill to the apartment in the snow. FYI... Civics apparently don't handle extremely well in the snow. Who knew?